We have all heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater.” It is a generalization that isn’t exactly 100% true, but when you are cheated on it is hard to trust that person again. Men especially have a reputation for being more willing to cheat on their significant others. But obviously, men aren’t the only one who stray outside of their relationship every once in a while. Women do it too.
Cheaters always have a million justifications for why they cheated, and most of the time the person they cheated on doesn’t want to hear it. The reason doesn’t really matter. All that matters is the trust is broken, and going back is impossible. A lot of couples try to go to counseling to work on saving their relationship, but forgiveness can be hard to come by. The affect cheating has on a relationship varies from couple to couple, and you never know how much damage you could do by cheating.
Some might call these excuses, but here are 10 possible reasons women in particular might have for cheating on their significant other.
1. Not enough sex
Remember the good old days when you could stay up forever fooling around? Then responsibility entered the mix – and kids – and before you knew it, sleep was more important than sex.
Well, women want to feel wanted. If you’re not making her feel that way, she could seek it elsewhere. To keep that spark alive, ask her out on date nights, send her provocative e-mails at lunch, and by all means, don’t let life get in the way of kissing, cuddling and sex.
They say hell hath no fury like a women scorned, and rhonda milrad, founder and ceo of relationup, says there is quite a bit of truth to that. “some women have been hurt, betrayed or disrespected by their partner and decide to retaliate by going outside of the relationship sexually and letting their partner know. It’s the ‘see how you like this’ lesson,” she explained.
Victoria lorient-faibish, psychotherapist and author of connecting: rewire your relationship culture, agreed. “work to heal all resentments quickly. Don’t let wounds fester. In reality, it is hard to be fully attracted to someone if you do not feel emotionally safe, free, and comfortable with them,” she explained. “if you harbor resentment for your partner, it is difficult to be hot for that person, especially if you are in a long-term relationship or marriage.”
3. Her partner works too much
Even the most independent woman in the world still likes to feel like she is a priority in her partner’s life. Business trips, working late, and bringing work home happens for everyone sometimes, but it shouldn’t take over completely. If a woman feels neglected, it isn’t too far fetched to think she might look elsewhere for a little attention. Again, it isn’t mature, or the healthy, but it still happens. Both people have to make time for each other and their relationship, or their connection isn’t going to survive, and there is always someone else just around the corner more than willing to pick up the pieces.
4. Weight loss/plastic surgery
Male attention increases quickly after a boob job, a butt implant or weight loss, and so does your self-confidence. With all this male attention, your temptation to cheat rises, and it takes more self-control to resist some of those male offers. Once you realize other guys want you, your desire to act on it may have you feeling euphoric. However, be careful, act wisely and make your pros and cons list.
5. Being the bad girl
Just as men feel the urge to sow their wild oats, some women have an inner sex kitten just waiting to be unleashed – and when the beast escapes from the cage, look out.
This frisky behavior usually rears its ugly head in response to some sort of life change – major weight loss, new job, new friends, mid-life crisis, etc. Keep the lines of communication open and she’ll be more likely to talk to you about what’s going on instead of spilling her guts to a stranger in the night.
It’s no secret that as women begin to age, they start to feel like they’ve lost many qualities that once made them desirable, and dr. Gail saltz, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, best-selling author, and host of the power of different podcast, says an affair is one way women try to make themselves feel better about the whole thing. “the search for feeling sexy, playful, and less sexually inhibited may also be the start of an affair, especially if fears of aging and loss of attractiveness are bothering her,” she said. While it’s true that starting an affair may make you feel sexy for a short while, they guilt of what you’re doing may end up making you feel worse in the long run.
Licensed marriage and family therapist anita chlipala agrees, saying, “women can cheat because they want reinforcement that they ‘still got it’.”
Sex drive can be unpredictable. Libido levels can vary based on age, personality, and stress levels, and it can be hard for two people to stay on the same page about what they need in the bedroom. Communication is key here if a couple is going to have any chance at consistently pleasing each other sexually. It can be hard for some people to express their needs, especially if they are ashamed of a fantasy, or just aren’t as open as they could be. Sexual chemistry can be hard to come by, and if a woman finds it happens naturally with someone other than her current partner, she might not be able to hold back.
8. Feeling under-appreciated
When you are in a relationship, you like to please your man. Cooking a romantic dinner, buying sexy lingerie, and listening with your heart, are just a few ways you may show your love and appreciation. So what happens when you don’t hear “thank you, please or i love you.” Holidays and birthdays come and you don’t receive anything meaningful, nothing at all, not even a verbal acknowledgment. We all have thresholds, and once yours is reached, you may decide to act on a “thank you, please, or I love you” coming from another direction. Let your man know he may lose you if he continues to take you for granted.
9. Lack of intimacy
You have it all: the house, the two-car garage and the two-and-a-half bathrooms – at least on the outside. But inside, the relationship is lacking the one thing women want most: intimacy.
It’s not just sex that makes women feel connected in a relationship; it’s touching, kissing, cuddling, and communicating. Women crave it, and she could seek it elsewhere if she’s not getting it at home.
To improve intimacy, spend quality time together, give her a foot massage, make a romantic dinner for two – anything that will give her a sense of unity and closeness.
10. Father issues
We tend to blame a lot of our adult issues on things we’ve experienced in our childhoods, and dr. Gail saltz says that blame may be appropriate, at least when it comes to women who cheat — especially when they seek out older men. “psychologically, women who enter into affairs with men who are 10 to 20 years older than them may be looking for affection from a father who never gave it to them,” she said. “if their father was gone, neglectful, or angry a lot, she may crave that paternal attention and seek it in the form of an affair.”